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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27848674">from the start we were changing</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/NorthOfSomewhere/pseuds/NorthOfSomewhere'>NorthOfSomewhere</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Parahumans Series - Wildbow</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, Flash Fic, Light Angst, Pining</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 22:00:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>477</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27848674</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/NorthOfSomewhere/pseuds/NorthOfSomewhere</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"You look tired," Ashley says, not meaning it to sound as it does. Just the wrong side of teasing, more judgmental. </p><p>Victoria offers a small quirk of a smile in response. "And you look radiant. As always."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Victoria Dallon | Glory Girl | Antares/Ashley Stillons II | Damsel of Distress | Swansong</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>from the start we were changing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>No.</em>
</p><p>Ashley almost says it. She decides it's not worth the explanation that would surely follow.</p><p>Victoria is golden. Good and sure. The opposite to Ashley in so many ways. So many ways. But she can read her too, as much as Victoria can see things in her, she thinks. They <em>know</em> each other. She can see the dark thoughts that cloud her mind. Can see the phantom that follows her everywhere. <em>Amy.</em> Ashley would kill Amy for her if only Victoria would ask. She won't of course. Would never. It would go against her code.</p><p><em>Yours or hers?</em> A part of her mind whispers.<br/>
<br/>
</p>
<hr/><p>The apartment is freezing.</p><p>Ashley walks down the hall towards the kitchen. The cold of the floor seeps into and through her socks.</p><p>She stops in the doorway, to watch Victoria for a moment.</p><p>Tea cup held to her mouth, the briefest of pauses before she takes a drink.</p><p>Testing the temperature?</p><p>"You look tired," Ashley says, not meaning it to sound as it does. Just the wrong side of teasing, more judgmental. It's something she wants to work on.</p><p>Victoria offers a small quirk of a smile in response. "And you look radiant. As always."</p><p>That's <em>not</em> the response she'd been expecting. Not at all. She knows Victoria is only joking. Ashley would never ask anything else of her.</p><p>"I made a cup for you," Victoria says, unaware of the conflict happening in Ashley's mind.</p><p>
  <em>I won't say I love you.</em>
</p><p>"Thank you," she says instead of the words she wants to say. The words have to be pushed back more and more lately. She sits in the spot across from her friend and takes the cup that's handed to her. And she doesn't flinch when their fingers brush.</p><p>But she feels complete in this apartment they share. Not always. Her mind won't allow for peace for any extended period of time. Still, Victoria is something else. A balm to her wounds. A sparring partner when they both need to expend their emotional baggage. Every compliment she offhandedly gives, is offered with complete sincerity. As much anger as Victoria has in her, the love she has for her friends, is a deep well.</p><p>
  <em>You won't run out of it for me, will you?</em>
</p><p>She knows she can't say it. Won't tell her how she feels because what would be the use? Ashley isn't melodramatic. She pauses at that thought, or maybe she is. But she can accept things as they are. Victoria is a friend. Her best friend if she were to rank them. Only because she would give Kenzie the rank of little sister.<br/>
<br/>
</p>
<hr/><p>It's hard to breathe, even harder to move. She manages an inch, in the direction she thinks Victoria is.</p><p><em>I love you.</em> She thinks in her last moments. <em>I'm glad it was me instead of you.</em></p>
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